This past Sunday I ran the Madison Marathon. It was a good race- I ran it in 2:40 which was a 5 minute PR. But I don’t much feel like thinking about that right now. I will save all the colourful details of that race for another post at another time. Right now, I would like to tell you about what happened afterwards. After I ran me arse off.
So anyway after the marathon I was feeling really terrific (high as a kite on LSD) so I called up a couple old blokes and headed on down to a place called the Mermaid Cafe. I'd never been there before, but I'd heard a lot of good things about it. Truth be told, it wasn't that great. The service was bloody terrible. Fifteen minutes I had to wait to get a pint. Fifteen minutes! I should've just ordered three right away. The place did have a cool atmosphere though and I shared a lot of laughs with me mates. All in all, it was a grand old time. After several rounds of drinks, I had to use the loo. I must've damn near drank the place dry. Whoever designed the layout of the Mermaid ought to be shot. It was like a maze in there, especially for me in my boozed up state.
Thankfully there was a sign to guide me in the right direction. Now this wasn't a normal restroom sign. This sign may have been my favourite part of the place. The sign read: "Restroom and Solar System" this way (arrow pointing the way). Isn't that great. Restroom and Solar System. Yes. That made my day. And Solar System (!) I just about pissed me pants when I read that sign. Bloody fantastic. I'm going to leave you on that note. Besides, I don't remember much else of the evening.
Okay, so that’s not what actually happened. I just felt like writing some silly nonsense with a bunch of British slang thrown in. In reality, Alex, Ryan and I went to the Great Dane after the race—a great place with great food, great beer, great service, and of course, great danes.
As for the Mermaid Cafe—it’s a swingin’ spot in probably the happiest song from Joni Mitchell’s melancholy-soaked Blue album.
Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe
And I will buy you a bottle of wine
And we’ll laugh and toast to nothing
And smash our empty glasses down
But there really used to be a restaurant in Madison called the Mermaid Cafe. It closed several years ago. I’d never been there myself so I can’t say if it was any good or not. The owner opened up a new place called the Mermaid Kitchen. And I kid you not, the Mermaid Kitchen is without a doubt the most obscure bakery in Madison. They only sell bagels. But let me tell you, these are no ordinary bagels. The Mermaid Kitchen is located in the middle of a brick warehouse building. While strolling past this warehouse one Saturday morning, I noticed a sign on the door that simply said “Bagels”. I tried the door, and to my surprise it was open. The inside of this warehouse literally is a maze. After wandering around in the building for at least an hour, I eventually found my way to the place where they sell the bagels on the second floor. But it wasn’t like an actual counter-service. There was just a table there with brown bags full of bagels. Nobody was around. “It’s my lucky day” I thought “Free bagels!” But then I noticed that the bags each had a name written on them. I could have easily grabbed Fred’s or Judy’s bagels and walked out, but that would be stealing and I am not a crook. So I hollered out, “Hey! Is anybody here?” After a minute or two, the bagel cook poked her head out. She informed me that the bagels are only available to those who pre-order them online Monday-Friday, then pick them up Saturday morning. What a headache. But the headache just might be worth it. The bagels are out of this world. Maybe even out of this solar system.
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These bagels are out of this world |
There was a book I found in one of those little free libraries a few weeks ago titled, “Solar System and Rest Rooms☞” by some bloke named Mel Bochner. I only read the first couple pages before realizing it was shit (Sorry Mel!) Even the few pictures were lousy. But it did have a helluva great title. Solar System and Rest Rooms. That's a fantastic title. Do you understand the juxtaposition? Think about it! For crying out loud, think about it. Solar system that way. Just follow the sign.