Restrooms and Solar Systems ☞

This past Sunday I ran the Madison Marathon. It was a good race- I ran it in 2:40 which was a 5 minute PR. But I don’t much feel like thinking about that right now. I will save all the colourful details of that race for another post at another time. Right now, I would like to tell you about what happened afterwards. After I ran me arse off.

So anyway after the marathon I was feeling really terrific (high as a kite on LSD) so I called up a couple old blokes and headed on down to a place called the Mermaid Cafe. I'd never been there before, but I'd heard a lot of good things about it. Truth be told, it wasn't that great. The service was bloody terrible. Fifteen minutes I had to wait to get a pint. Fifteen minutes! I should've just ordered three right away. The place did have a cool atmosphere though and I shared a lot of laughs with me mates. All in all, it was a grand old time. After several rounds of drinks, I had to use the loo. I must've damn near drank the place dry. Whoever designed the layout of the Mermaid ought to be shot. It was like a maze in there, especially for me in my boozed up state.

Thankfully there was a sign to guide me in the right direction. Now this wasn't a normal restroom sign. This sign may have been my favourite part of the place. The sign read: "Restroom and Solar System" this way (arrow pointing the way). Isn't that great. Restroom and Solar System. Yes. That made my day. And Solar System (!) I just about pissed me pants when I read that sign. Bloody fantastic. I'm going to leave you on that note. Besides, I don't remember much else of the evening.

Okay, so that’s not what actually happened. I just felt like writing some silly nonsense with a bunch of British slang thrown in. In reality, Alex, Ryan and I went to the Great Dane after the race—a great place with great food, great beer, great service, and of course, great danes.

As for the Mermaid Cafe—it’s a swingin’ spot in probably the happiest song from Joni Mitchell’s melancholy-soaked Blue album.

Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe

And I will buy you a bottle of wine

And we’ll laugh and toast to nothing

And smash our empty glasses down

But there really used to be a restaurant in Madison called the Mermaid Cafe. It closed several years ago. I’d never been there myself so I can’t say if it was any good or not. The owner opened up a new place called the Mermaid Kitchen. And I kid you not, the Mermaid Kitchen is without a doubt the most obscure bakery in Madison. They only sell bagels. But let me tell you, these are no ordinary bagels. The Mermaid Kitchen is located in the middle of a brick warehouse building. While strolling past this warehouse one Saturday morning, I noticed a sign on the door that simply said “Bagels”. I tried the door, and to my surprise it was open. The inside of this warehouse literally is a maze. After wandering around in the building for at least an hour, I eventually found my way to the place where they sell the bagels on the second floor. But it wasn’t like an actual counter-service. There was just a table there with brown bags full of bagels. Nobody was around. “It’s my lucky day” I thought “Free bagels!” But then I noticed that the bags each had a name written on them. I could have easily grabbed Fred’s or Judy’s bagels and walked out, but that would be stealing and I am not a crook. So I hollered out, “Hey! Is anybody here?” After a minute or two, the bagel cook poked her head out. She informed me that the bagels are only available to those who pre-order them online Monday-Friday, then pick them up Saturday morning. What a headache. But the headache just might be worth it. The bagels are out of this world. Maybe even out of this solar system.

These bagels are out of this world

There was a book I found in one of those little free libraries a few weeks ago titled, “Solar System and Rest Rooms☞” by some bloke named Mel Bochner. I only read the first couple pages before realizing it was shit (Sorry Mel!) Even the few pictures were lousy. But it did have a helluva great title. Solar System and Rest Rooms. That's a fantastic title. Do you understand the juxtaposition? Think about it! For crying out loud, think about it. Solar system that way. Just follow the sign.