Where were you at 3:30 this afternoon?

Hey baby. Hey hey. Uhhh. Guess who? I am awake. I am laying in bed and I hear you fooling around out in the living room and I hear the rain coming down. Are you listening? Oh come on, come on, just for this minute put the puzzle down. Because I have something I want to say to you. I am laying back there on my bed and for some reason or another I cannot explain, you know baby, have you ever had these things that suddenly appear to you in your mind, just a picture of some crazy disjointed thing that never had anything to do with what you’re doing? It just suddenly appeared, you know? Well I’m laying in bed there just a couple of minutes ago and I can hear you with the radio on. Judge and those damn Yankees are en route to sweeping the Crew in the opening series of the ball season and the rain is coming down and I hear some guy swearing in the street outside and suddenly for some reason or another this crazy picture came to mind.

Last week I’m in the Robin Room. You remember when I came home about three hours late? Well I’m in the Robin and I’m sitting there with Ed. It’s about 5:30 and I’m sitting there at one of these itsy bitsy tables, the kind of table that reminds you of a monopoly board. A guy comes along and he brings a screwdriver for me and Ed. We’re sitting there and we’re talking it over. And Ed could not concentrate. With all the people around. There were dozens of them, all sitting around there in the Robin and they’re having drinks, all kinds of chicks and all kinds of guys. And I suddenly realize that most of the guys look at least twice as old as the chicks. All the chicks had a certain high-cheek boned look. A kind of 5:30-Robin look, you know what I mean? They’re all sitting there and these guys were kind of graying at the temples. It was a fascinating thing. And it suddenly occurred to me that I am right in the middle of Disceptionsville. I mean I’m right in the middle of Disceptionsville. Who are these people? And why are they that way? I mean what brought this chick to sit with this guy who is at least old enough to be her father? I mean this guy who’s sitting there looks like he has a year-round sun tan and what brought him to sit with this chick? Here they are, both of them sitting there drinking martinis. And they are walking along the edge of a great gulf of danger. Both of them know it. This chick knows she’s playing with fire. And this guy knows that this chick is explosive.

You know baby, I’m going to tell you something. I’m a man, you see, and I can tell you something about being a man, if you’re interested, if you want to listen. Are you aware that some chicks, when they walk down the street spell D-A-N-G-E-R? I mean they just exude danger. Okay, now I am not talking specifically about you. What made me think I was discussing you? There are certain bells, there are certain danger-signals, certain overload relays that go off when you walk into a room. Let’s face it. I’m going to tell you something. I go into a room with you, I don’t care if there are a thousand guys, within five minutes, 24 guys think that at any minute now something is going to happen between you and them. How do you think that makes me feel? Right. For the first time you have laid it out there. Yes, okay, but now here’s the point. This is the thing that I would like to say. Where were you at 3:30 this afternoon? I’m sitting there and I am just starting to realize that half of these chicks that are there are supposed to be somewhere else. And at least 75% of these guys are supposed to be somewhere else. And someone believes that they are somewhere else. You hear what I’m saying? Look, I know you were at the Triangle Market at 5:30 getting some celery. Or was it lettuce? Or olives. Now I know you were getting a pack of cigarettes. I will accept that. I guess what I’m saying is that nobody really wants to know. You see what Sunday afternoon does? It’s a rotten time baby.

How many letters? Six letters? A six letter word meaning what? Oh, come on! Hahahaha I just thought of one. And the New York Times wouldn’t dare print it on Sunday! Hahahahaha. It’s my rotten mind. Yeah, I suppose. Look baby, you got your cross to carry, I got mine. Everybody’s got his cross to carry.

Hey, may I ask one thing that might sound like a leading question? Okay I won’t. Oh no, no, I’m not putting you on, I won’t ask you the question. 

No, I’m going to ask you a question that you should have asked me. Where was I at 5:30 on Thursday? Hahaha. It doesn’t matter. I mean it’s just part of the game, you know? I think that all of us want to walk a tight-rope. All of us. Baby, how would you like to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel? A balsa wood barrel.

You know, in spite of it being right in the middle of the afternoon, I’m going to go into the kitchen. I’m going to get some ice cubes. I’m going to get some other things. If you would care to join me in some ice cubes that would be fine. And some other things. I am going to look out at the gray sky for a moment. And I’m going to think of that six letter word. Did you say “23 across” baby? Okay. I will be back in five minutes with the ice cubes. Maybe even the six letter word.