Three years ago, I moved from Appleton to Madison, WI and started working for the Ryan Brothers Ambulance Company. My first day was Monday, June 6, 2022. D-Day. Here are some statistics I’ve tracked in my three years of paramedicing:
Number of lives saved: 2,748
(I don’t count the losses)
Longest Interfacility Transport: 212 miles (3 hour 45 min drive) one-way. This was a discharge from Select Specialty Hospital in Madison to a rehab center in Laona, WI. I have made several transports to Wausau and Green Bay (both around 150 miles).
Shortest Interfacility Transport: 50 yards. This would probably be a tie between Select Specialty Hospital in Madison to Meriter Hospital and the Watertown Healthcare Center to Watertown Hospital. Select to Meriter is right across Park Street and Watertown Hospital to the Healthcare Center is literally across a parking lot. Both are frequent transports. There have been many times when I’ve driven 1 hour from Madison to Watertown, just to take a patient across a parking lot, then it’ll be right back to Madison after the call.
Total miles driven in an ambulance: 63,455
Number of complimentary barf baths I’ve received: 9
Number of no-hitters (shifts where I didn’t run a single call): 4
Number of PB&J Uncrustables I’ve consumed from the EMS lounge at UW Hospital: 297
During the first day of on-boarding, I was asked to fill out a questionnaire or “bio” about myself. The bio is on the Ryan Brothers online portal and viewable only to Ryan Brothers employees. Sometimes, on those rare shifts when it’s quiet and I have nothing better to do, I’ll read my fellow broskis’ bios. Most of them are pretty boring. I don’t mean to say my co-workers are boring, just the answers on their bios. I read my own bio today and some of my responses are actually somewhat clever, particularly the one about my pet peeves. For a few of my responses however, I was quite lazy— #s 13, 20 and 23 are lyrics I had stuck in my head at the time and #12 is the name of a book by Uriah C. Lasso. Here’s the full bio I filled out three years ago:
Who is your hero? Bill Rodgers. I recently read an autobiography by Bill Rodgers, a great runner. It was really inspiring.
If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Madison, WI. There is a lot that I love about this city- the majestic capitol building, the lakes, the parks, the trails, the isthmus, the friendly people. Also, there is a pretty great ambulance company here.
What is your biggest fear? Sometimes I lie awake at night, scared to death that a hand will reach out from under my bed, grab my ankle and pull me under.
What is your favorite family vacation? I've gone on a couple fishing trips in Canada. They were a blast.
What would you change about yourself if you could? Every so often I get insomnia. I'll be laying in bed but my mind will be racing at a hundred miles an hour. I wish there was a button inserted on the top of my head I could press that would stop my hyper-active brain and let me sleep peacefully.
What really makes you angry? The neighbor's car alarm that goes off at 3:00 AM.
What motivates you to work hard? Seeing or hearing about someone else who has accomplished something incredible can definitely motivate me.
What is your favorite thing about your career? Those tasty snacks in the EMS lounge.
What is your proudest accomplishment? (Probably) the world's greatest bottle cap collection. I've got millions.
What makes you laugh the most? Any movie that stars Chris Farley or Will Farrell is sure to make me laugh out loud.
What did you want to be when you were small? I wanted to stay small, to never grow up. I have always been greatly underwhelmed by a lot of the things associated with adulthood (money, taxes, politics, arthritis, etc...) So far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at staying young. I still feel like a little kid.
What do you want to tell us about your family? My parents didn't steal an elephant.
If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Sit on the dock of a bay and waste time.
What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? My favorite sport to watch is football. I'm a Packers fan. My favorite sport to participate in is running. I am a runner and I love to race.
Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? I'd rather be running.
What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? Most nights before going to bed, I listen to the Jean Shepherd Show on WOR.
Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? Music. I enjoy playing the piano and I love listening to music of many different styles and varieties.
List two pet peeves. 1. Pet abuse (people who don't take their dogs out for enough walks, people who over-feed their cats, people who drown their goldfish, etc...) 2. Those nasty little yipper dogs that whine and bark my ear off. Sometimes I'd just like to strangle them.
Where do you see yourself in five years? Five years! Are you CRAZY? God only knows where I'll be in a week from now.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Instead of quiet and shy I'm really dying to flirt. I am the lion that roars and not the mouse that gets hurt. I'm feeling extrovert.
Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? I have a pretty good ear.
What do you do to keep fit? I run everyday, usually twice a day. I also try to eat mostly healthy foods and get enough sleep at night.
Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken? Eat a lot, sleep a lot, brush ‘em like crazy. Run a lot, do a lot, never be lazy.
Your favorite quote. "Don't strive to be happy. Instead strive to make a positive difference in people's lives. If you manage to do that, you will be happy." ~Jeff Johnson
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