Night Thoughts

Falling into the void

I am lying here flat out in the sack. It’s about two, maybe three o'clock in the morning although I don’t really know what time it is. But I’m lying here flat out and for some reason or another I have regained consciousness. I have crawled out of that void, dragging my knees over the wall until finally I’m peeking into the sunlight of consciousness. But I’m lying here flat out and it’s maybe two or three o'clock in the morning and I’ve got a wad of cotton in my mouth and my throat is dry and I’m just lying here flat. Without thinking I slowly ease the covers back, but it’s kind of cold. It’s not exactly cold, it’s more of just a chill in the room. I feel around with my feet looking for my slippers until finally I get them on. I don’t want to turn the light on because when I turn the light on that is officially saying I’m awake, I’m officially up. I drag my way to the door, out into the hall and finally I find the john. I’m looking for a glass of water. I turn the faucet on. I don’t want to run it too long to make it cold or anything, I just turn it on and I start rinsing my mouth and yaghgaghhh—it’s brackish, warm even. I turn it a little more. Still warm. I drink. I feel a little better. I’m slowly coming even more to the edge of that bright sunlight of consciousness. I drag myself back into the room. I start to ease back into the sack and I hear a rustling sound outside in the street. Kind of a strange rustling sound. Now there’s plenty of traffic out on this street so I don’t really pay much attention to it. I ease myself into the sack and I lie there flat. But still I hear that rustling—sshhsshshh—a kind of rustling sound that doesn’t sound like a car, it doesn’t sound like tires or anything really. It’s just a rustling sound. I get out finally and I go to the window. The Venetian blinds are half open. I peer out the window and at first the street is dark. Nothing. I don’t see anything there. I sort of turn to go back to bed but something catches my eye. My eyes are beginning to focus. There’s a dark mass moving along the street there. A dark mass… (What is that?) And I look closer. I’m fully awake now. And I see that the dark mass looks like a long snake. It’s kind of crawling along in the street. It’s going from right to left. A long snake undulating, moving. Slithering. I look closer and I see that it’s a mass of humanity moving almost in utter silence. They are moving down towards the end of the block. I look down there and I see where the line is ending. One by one they are climbing into a manhole. Huh. Thousands of them. They’re wearing bathing suits. Old men, young boys, elderly women, young girls, kids, chicks. Nobody is saying anything to anybody else. And they all appear to be carrying luggage bags of some kind. Weekend travel cases? They are climbing into the manhole down there at the end of the block. I look down the other way and I can see that there is an endless line of them jostling towards me. They’re coming from the east, they’re moving west. Countless people. I look out across the street. There are no other lights lit. Nobody. I’m the only one. Well… (What’s going on??)

Fifteen minutes later I am putting on my swim trunks. I am packing a suitcase.

Twenty-five minutes later I am climbing down into a manhole. Ha ha ha ha ha! You’re not going to leave me alone! They’re not going to leave me alone! Part of the gang! I’m in with the in-crowd! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ohhh but it’s cold in here. With just my swim trunks on. And they’re all around me. Thousands, maybe millions of them.

Fifteen minutes later I am slowly dragging myself to consciousness again and then I’m slowly falling back into the void. What a relief.

John Lennon - Whatever gets you thru the night (Happy birthday John!)